I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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