just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
