Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
