She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
