Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We named our party play list daddy issues
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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