drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
