Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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