That's intense
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
