I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
