Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
