I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
