Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
