No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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