I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
