When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
