can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
