Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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