If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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