so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
