I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
