I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
