This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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