Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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