I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
