Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
