I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
