i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
