Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
