I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
