i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
