dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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