I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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