Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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