WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
