mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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