that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
