**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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