What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
