'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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