You work out of a Hotel?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
