I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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