Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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