I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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