He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
