I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
