Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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