Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
