If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
