I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
