I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
