Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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