HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
