I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
