the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
