What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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