i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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