"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
