these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
