I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
